England’s New Law.
England, being both a devotee of channel 4 and having travelled extensively in your country, a serious problem has come to my attention. Unfortunately, too many of you are completely clueless about interior design.
No, having an entire house painted moss green is not okay, nor are clashing floral patterns. Heaven forbid I see another home with both.
As a result of you flagrantly disobeying the rules of taste, I’m enacting a new law starting this January.
In 2012 all paints and wallpapers that are not white or cream will be banned. Disobeying this rule with result in your house being painted red… with your blood. Pending good behaviour, in 2013 I will introduce one muted tone. Just one. If you use it sparingly and with discretion, you may have another colour the year after. This will continue until the entire spectrum is returned.
Of course, there are some Englishmen and women who have proven to possess both taste and stylistic flair. Those 7 people have been contacted and may progress as usual.
For everyone else who borders on good taste, I’m sorry, you should take this up with your fellow countrymen. They have ruined it for all of you.
